Red Anger
by Haloa
Summary: Another difficult chapter of Spock's adolescence.
1. Chapter 1

**Red Anger**

(1/5)

Spock, 13 years old, is going up the stairs leading to his classroom as he does every morning. This classroom is located on the fourth and top floor of the building.

As usual, he is treated with contempt, some of his classmates jostling him.

Dressed in a long black dress, his schoolbag on his shoulder, Spock tries to ignore them. He raises his head, controls his emotions and continues to go up the steps. However, all his senses are on the alert. And that day, while he is reaching the second floor and continues to climb the stairs, he notices that his peers no longer shove him…On the contrary, they avoid him.

 _That's fine with me_ , he thought, _maybe they are getting tired of insulting me…_

Suddenly, he stops on the third floor. A sheet of paper is on the ground. He approaches cautiously and reads the warning written in Old Vulcan: _Be careful at the wet paint!_

Spock is puzzled. He turns around and looks behind him, noticing that he is now the only one going up the stairs. He raises his head and sees the content of a can of red paint above him. He also raises his hands in order to protect his face but …too late!

oOOOo

Spock hears insults from the top floor.

… _Terran…Half breed…Bastard…red blood…_

Red paint is flowing from his hair and along his neck. His student dress is no longer black. Spock is now lying on the floor, covering his eyes with his hands.

"This reminds you the day of your birth, Spock?" A young Vulcan says. "Indeed, you are born covered with the red blood of this Human female…that whore who married a traitor…"

… _Bastard…Terran…Human…_

The red paint is becoming dry in his throat and his airways, which makes breathing difficult. This is awfully painful but the burning pain in his eyes is worse.

His ears are ringing. They are also filled with dry paint. At least, he no longer hears the insults…

His eyelids are closed, glued by the paint. Even his tears cannot escape from his eyes. As a result of that, his corneas cannot be rinsed. A hammer strikes the inside of his skull. The warm air of Vulcan is no longer entering his lungs. His heart rate is increasing or… is it slowing? Spock doesn't know…He is unable to control his body and he is slowly losing consciousness.

oOOOo

"Where is Spock?" Sarek asks. He has rejoined his wife in the waiting room of the hospital of Shikahr.

Amanda doesn't respond immediately and Sarek knows why. She tries to control her anger while tightening a handkerchief covered with red paint in her hands. He guesses that his wife has seen Spock, at least momentarily, and that she has wiped his son's face. Sarek stares at Amanda. She tries to keep her tears which threaten to flow like a tsunami.

Sarek was at the Embassy when the Director of Spock's school contacted him. The latter recounted the facts without showing any concern for his student. Sarek was first convinced that his son has fainted because of the humiliation and the shame, two intense emotions that Spock failed to control.

As a Vulcan, Sarek had controlled his own anger against the aggressors of Spock and his disappointment at the emotional reaction of his son. Then, the Director spoke about Spock's transfer to hospital …

" _It seems that his airways have been obstructed by the dry paint…He gasped several minutes before losing consciousness…"_ the Director has said matter _-_ of-factly.

Sarek had no longer concealed his emotions, in particular his sudden surprise and his worry. He had immediately stopped the conversation and left the Embassy in order to rush to the hospital.

"They…they took him to an operating room an hour ago…" Amanda says with difficulty. Her throat seems as constricted as his son's throat. Her whole body begins to shake despite the overwhelming heat in the waiting room.

"Was he conscious? Was he breathing?" Sarek asks while hugging her, despite the presence of other Vulcans who stare at him. They probably judge him, again.

"Spock could no longer breathe…A doctor had to help him with a tube in his throat…He has also given him some painkillers. His pain was too great!" She says, tears flowing down her cheeks.

oOOOo


	2. Chapter 2

**Red** **Anger**

(2/5)

A couple of hours later, a nurse finally arrives and informs them that Spock is now in the children's ward.

While they are following her silently, Amanda and Sarek share their concerns through their telepathic link. Indeed, the nurse has refused to answer their questions. Soon, they enter a room and come near to Spock's bed.

Their son seems to be deeply asleep. Despite he has been washed, there are still many paint stains on his face, along his neck, in his wet hair and on his hands…

Amanda smiles, having suddenly an almost funny thought: Spock seems more human with that pink carnation…

Sarek examines his son with relief. His skin is still pale and pink, but Spock breathes without the use of a tube in his trachea. However, he is now worried for his eyes which are covered by a thick bandage. What is it hiding? How are his eyes? This is now his main concern.

The door suddenly opens and a doctor enters the room. He takes a peek at his small patient's file and finally turns toward Sarek and Amanda. He makes a quick Vulcan salute and begins his report.

"Your son has unwittingly ingested a large amount of paint which has obstructed his airways and his esophagus. We have injected a neutralizing agent to the toxic effects of this paint on his digestive system and his respiratory system. We also cleaned his skin and hair…We did as best as we could. "

"What about his eyes?" Sarek asks.

"The paint was irritating for his corneas. The inner eyelids have not protected them. We have rinsed thoroughly his eyes. We tried to reduce damage to the maximum of our capabilities. I will remove the bandage in four hours. I will give you my prognosis at that time."

"When is he going to wake up?"

"He is already awake." The doctor replies and sighs almost imperceptibly. _Can she not sense Spock's presence through their telepathic link?_ The doctor stares at the young Human female, then he nods at Sarek and exits the room without a word to his young patient.

ooooo

Sarek has followed his wife. Like her, he is now sitting on the edge of Spock's bed.

"Spock…my baby, please, talk to me…" Amanda says tenderly while caressing his son's cheek. No sound comes out of his mouth. However, he clenched his fists on the mattress, struggling for control.

"Spock…It's ok…You are going to be fine…" She adds.

Several minutes pass before he answers roughly: "I'm 13! I'm no longer a baby! AND it is illogical to assert that I will be fine whereas that bandage is still covering my eyes!"

Then, Spock manages to push away the hand of his mother who is trying to put his bangs in place.

"Spock, your mother is trying to reassure you, in her way. You don't have to reject her gesture. She is not responsible…" Sarek says in a neutral tone but he is cut by Spock's angry words.

"No, she is not responsible. YOU are responsible. Everything that happened to me is YOUR fault! Why did you choose to marry a Human female? Why did you choose to have a child with her? Why have I suffered all these insults and humiliations, day after day? You taught me that Vulcans are tolerant. You taught me that they follow Surak's teaching and the IDIC. You gave me the speech about the necessary control of our emotions, of our urges, while YOU were unable to control yourself when you met a Human female! …You lied to me! Vulcans are far from tolerant! They do not recognize the diversity; they do not accept the differences. You're a liar! Vulcans DO NOT lie! Another lie! You lied to me all my life! I no longer want to be a Vulcan! I no longer want to control my emotions…I HATE you! I HATE YOU!" Spock yells while ripping his bandage off.

The throbbing pain has returned in his eyes as they are in contact with light. Amanda has already rushed on the intercom to call for help while her husband remains petrified, unable neither to move nor to say something.

ooooo

 _I hate you …I hate you…Liar…I no longer want to be a Vulcan…_

 _Illogical_ , Sarek thought. _His reasoning and conclusions are illogical. Why does he hate me? …Why does he hate me instead of his attackers?_

The silence is filling the room since several minutes now. A doctor has come. He has put another bandage on Spock's eyes and gave him a powerful painkiller too. Sarek notices that his breathing is still irregular. _Is he sobbing? What should I do? What should I say?_

Sarek is lost in thoughts. His wife takes his arm and gets him out the room. Once alone in the corridor, Amanda tries to reassure him.

"Sarek, Spock didn't mean what he said! He does not hate you! Spock is …tired. Please, let him rest, we will return this afternoon…"

"No. I must not let this situation…"

"Sarek, leave him alone!" Amanda says with authority. Reluctantly, Sarek obeys her and turns toward the exit.

ooooo

When they return four hours later, their son is sitting on the edge of his bed, back straight and lips tight. The room is almost in the darkness. The bandage is gone and the doctor is now examining his eyes with a flashlight. Spock stares at a fictive spot on the wall in front of him. As the doctor forces the opening of his left eyelid, there is a slight wince of pain. The beam of light is moving from left to right. Spock's grimace is now accompanied by a small groan.

After five minutes, the doctor turns off the flashlight and approaches the control panel on the wall.

"Light level is at 20%! Do not rub your eyes. They have to acclimate to the light. I'm going to rinse again your eyes with this eyewash. You will do it twice a day for seven days. Do not dry these artificial tears." He says while moistening Spock's eyes. Spock blinks several times but obeys, controlling his wish to push away the hand of the doctor and to close his eyes.

After a long time, Spock glances at his parents. Sarek says nothing but is relieved to see that Spock has regained some control over his emotions. At least, he no longer shows his anger and his hatred. _But instead, he hangs his head…in shame?_ Sarek ponders.

"This is very encouraging." The doctor says. "Now, I can tell that you aren't going to suffer any visual impairment due to this …incident. Sarek, I will send you a full report of his injuries, in case you wish to bring complaint against his aggressors."

"Can we go home with him now?" Amanda asks.

"Yes. I will give you his treatment and other detergent lotions. After another shower, Spock can go home."

ooooo


	3. Chapter 3

**Red Anger**

(3/5)

Spock has never enjoyed using water to have a shower but today, he has no choice. This is his third shower since he went home. He is using the special soap that a nurse gave him that afternoon. Washing his face and hair, he thinks about the identity of his attackers and reflects on how to speak again to his parents, especially to his father.

Indeed, neither his mother nor his father has spoken on the way home. Spock was seated at the rear of the vehicle. Only the almost inaudible purring of the engine was heard. Spock has reflected on past events to pass the time.

According to the nurse who has taken care of him, this kind of paint is usually used for the coating of aircrafts. His main attacker must be Sevenek. Indeed, his father is the co-director of the aircraft manufactory of Shikahr. He could have stolen a can of paint with his partners in crime.

Rinsing his hair for the fifth time today, he has time to reflect upon the _perfect_ properties of this kind of paint…

…a quick-drying paint…

 _There is absolutely no doubt about that. The evidence of that is the speed at which the paint has sealed my eyes and my throat…_

…exhibiting excellent resistance over time…

… _Well, I can testify that is true…given the current state of my skin, even after five scrubbings._

...glossy paint…

… _My hair is no longer black… my hair is pink and glossy! Really?! As if I have not enough differences with my peers already...Furthermore, I'm not sure that T'Pring will love my new hair color._

…Take some precautions during the application…avoid contact with eyes and mucosa…Keep out of reach of children…

 _No comment!_

…inodorous substance…

 _I have to add: unlike this special soap which stinks a lot…But this does not matter: everybody avoids me already!_

…as red as the sky of Vulcan…

 _I must disagree. According to my classmates, the paint reminds the red blood of my mother…My Human mother…_

Spock is now facing the mirror in the bathroom.

He sighs. His hair and face show a range of pink colors. Spock lowers his head to see his hands. His fingernails are as pink as the tips of his pointed ears. His skin is both dry and irritated… He reflects to use the moisturizing cream of his mother…with her favorite scent.

Suddenly, looking at his face in the mirror again, he catches sight of his father…The latter is standing in the doorway and gazes at his half naked son. Indeed, a towel is the only cloth covering his waist.

Spock turns and faces his father. He knows that his last remarks were harsh and illogical. Is he going to punish him like he did with his half-brother Sybok?

Spock says nothing.

The truth is that his father has done nothing wrong. He knows this. Like his mother, he is absolutely not responsible for his problems with his peers...his xenophobic and racist peers.

In the past, Amanda told him that Sarek and she have received those same disapproving looks after the announcement of their wedding on the planet Vulcan. Their union had been threatened by a few sectarian and isolationist Vulcans. They have sent letters of insults and physical threats too! Two weeks before their wedding on Vulcan, a small group of Vulcans had tried to kidnap her…Of course, they failed and the security has been tightened around and in their house! Amanda had laughed while telling this story. According to her, it was a vain and useless action. Indeed, their wedding had already been celebrated and legalized on Earth, by both Terran and Vulcan laws! Her parents and her sister had accepted her union with Sarek and this was the only thing that mattered. After the wedding ceremony on Vulcan, insults and threats had stopped. Spock wishes a same happy-end for him but apparently, his classmates still have difficulties to accept his hybrid condition! Have they never heard of IDIC?

"Your mother sent me to inform you that dinner is ready." Sarek says in a neutral tone. As usual, his face shows no emotion. Is he hurt by his words? Is he angry, disappointed or sad?

Spock doesn't know what to do and what to say. Is it the right time to apologize? Can he tell him that he does not hate him, and that he …loves him? No, he cannot. It is not the Vulcan way! Asking for forgiveness would be a sign of weakness…a further proof of his humanity?

Spock is at a loss for words. Finally raising his head, he notices that his father is already gone!

oOOOo


	4. Chapter 4

**Red anger**

(4/5)

Spock gets dressed again and goes downstairs slowly, as a proof of his composure. He is in fact apprehensive, recalling the attitude of his father. _How long his silence will last?_ Spock thinks.

Arriving in the dining room, he hears a conversation between his parents. He stops and listens.

"…even if we do have to find another school, it won't be before the next trimester…"

"…a transfer to another school…once again!" His mother sighs.

"Amanda, I can see not many alternatives. Although his attackers have already been thrown out of school, other boys will continue to torment him."

"…They will take up the slack…"

"Indeed, it is obvious that all students knew what was going to happen at the penultimate floor…and nobody has warned him." Sarek says. From his hiding place, Spock detects some bitterness and also some sadness in the voice of his father.

"What if his former tormentors are in his new school too?"

"The probability is low however there is a possibility that that happens. So, an alternative is the home schooling. In only four years, Spock is going to obtain his high school diploma. After graduating, he will be able to present himself before the council of admission of the VSA. In the meanwhile, home schooling has its advantages. He would be able to come with us in our travels and in my diplomatic missions. He would follow my teachings. It would be an asset for his future career…"

Spock chooses this moment to join them. He wants to give his opinion but he hesitates. For some months now, his desire to join the Vulcan Sciences Academy is diminishing. He is actually thinking about entering Starfleet Academy, on Earth. He doubts that telling his father about his new project is a good idea. So, he says nothing and sits down.

They eat in a heavy silence. The paint is no longer in his throat, however swallowing is difficult. The mere view of his plate causes him nausea.

"You're not hungry." His mother says. "The stomach pump and drugs they used are responsible."

Spock nods while putting down his fork.

"You can leave. Go and rest in your room." His father says after several minutes.

Spock is quite relieved. His father has spoken to him again! Well, nine words, this is better than nothing!

Once again, Spock nods and follows his father's order.

oOOOo

Spock is unable to sleep. He went to bed almost immediately after his sixth long-lasting and hot shower. But his stomach still hurts.

The drugs have very little to do with his condition. The truth is that Spock feels guilty. He is confused and ashamed, having not even apologized to his father.

 _Perhaps a meditation session will remedy my problems,_ he thinks, approaching one of the windows.

Under the window, the garden of his mother is lighted by T'Khut, twin sister of Vulcan.

He gets dressed with his meditation dress and goes out the bedroom, barefoot.

Approaching the bedroom of his parents, he slows down and holds his breath.

A few minutes later, he sits on his favorite stone bench. The night is cold and he regrets having let his shoes in his bedroom. Whatever, his legs are soon folded in the lotus position. He is beginning to take a deep breath when footsteps echo on the white marble terrace.

Spock closes his eyes. He knows he has not the time to hide himself. _What is the probability to not be seen? …Zero._

 _Who is coming?...Mother who fails to sleep?...or Father who wants to meditate?_

Spock opens his eyes and exhales deeply. His mother is in front of him.

"May I sit next to you?" She asks.

oOOOo


	5. Chapter 5

**Red anger**

(5/5 …So, this is the last chapter of this little story. Thank you for your reviews!)

oOOOo

"May I sit next to you?"

Spock nods. Once again, he remains silent. He stares the ground knowing that time to face the consequences of his actions has come.

"Spock, I would like to talk to you about what you said this morning. You said some hurtful things about your father. You were unfair. If you must blame someone for being what you are, you must blame me. Indeed, your human genes, which make you different from your peers, are mine...If you must hate one of your parents, you must hate me."

Spock is in shock. He stands up immediately and replies: "Mother, I don't hate you! I…I cannot…I don't hate Father too…"

Spock wants to add that he loves them but another voice interrupts him. His father has appeared in the entry of the garden and is approaching. Soon, he is next to his wife, his finger wiping a tear appearing on her face.

"Another illogical reasoning…Your mother and I are both responsible for your conception and your hybrid condition…Following your logic, you must hate both of us." Sarek says, his two fingers meeting two fingers of his dear wife, in the Vulcan way.

"No Father, I can't hate you…I …I…"

"You hate your hybrid condition…you are torn between two worlds and sometimes two opposite civilizations. Spock, believe me, we have never wanted you to be insulted, persecuted and rejected by your peers." Amanda says, interrupting him once again when he tries awkwardly to confess his love for his parents.

"My son, you're the first half human- half vulcan child born either on Vulcan or on Earth. I have certainly influenced you choice to follow the Vulcan way. When you passed your Kahs-wan, I was proud of you. I was also relieved. I have made the assumption that you would be accepted by Vulcan society. I was wrong. You're right! Some Vulcans are not tolerant. All Vulcans don't follow Surak's precepts. However, I may repeat that you must master your emotions. Indeed, as a half Vulcan child, your emotions are stronger. Your uncontrolled anger was responsible for these hurtful things you said about me. Now, you are sorry, I know that. I also know that you want to apologize."

"Yes, I do apologize." Spock says a bit confused. "I promise, Father, I will have a better control and behavior in order to be accepted. I won't disappoint you again."

Sarek nods and puts a hand on his son's shoulder, adding: "Spock, you have a place in this universe. I would be glad that you accept your hybrid nature and that you follow the road you have chosen, no matter what the other Vulcans think, I would be proud of you. Show them that they are wrong. Now, your mother and I will leave you to your meditation."

"And then, sleep well, my son." Amanda adds, kissing his cheek.

Spock nods again, smiling a little at his mother. Seeing his parents entering the house, Spock thinks about his father's words.

 _You have a place in this universe…follow the road you have chosen._

He has promised to not disappoint his father…What is he going to do in four years? What would happen if he chooses to enter Starfleet Academy instead of the VSA?

While looking at the stars, Spock sighs.

 **The end**


End file.
